My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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