i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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