well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize