I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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