Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize