eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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