Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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