physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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