put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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