Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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