all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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