Don't you send me to vm
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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