Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize