turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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