I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
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She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
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You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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