Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize