...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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