He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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