Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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