I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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