Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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