Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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