I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize