K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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