Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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