All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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