I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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