no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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