sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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