one might say we're banned from that church
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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