I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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