You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize