so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Two words: nipple clamps
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