It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
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logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
do nipples grow back?
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