grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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