im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We left an ass print on the piano.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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