And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
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i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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