ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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