I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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