saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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