Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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