She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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