I have demons in me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
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I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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