rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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