Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize