Soap is not a condiment
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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