He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
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I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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