She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize