And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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