my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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